m31andy: (sparkly!Doyle)
You could all tell this was coming, didn't you?

*sigh*

Well, y'all remember the free Fictionwise Harlequin romances, yes? And C did state that Bella is a cipher for the reader, as in the way of every hack romance ever written, yes?

Well, it was inevitable, then. (That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.)

BTW, as I've just discovered, AU/AH in the Twilight fandom means "Alternate Universe" (as usual) and "All Human" (a little different to common fiction practice).

Step into the alternate universe where Bella and Edward rule the cheap and cheerful romance shelves at every airport in the world )

Disclaimer: Links are to the original books, I do not claim to have authored any of the books summarised. These are not Twilight fan-fics but professionally published romance fiction. Summaries used purely for parody. No copyright infringement is intended, and no money is being made...
m31andy: (Default)
Okay, this is *all* [livejournal.com profile] draycevixen's fault - but I thought I'd venture back over to [livejournal.com profile] twilight_adult (I ran screaming from there after reading the summaries of a couple of fic a couple of days ago) because, and I quote, "I didn't think that it could all be that bad".

Ha. Fooled myself.

Under the cut are some of the summaries from a few fic. I've included links to the fic themselves, just in case. Hey, it's your life (and you'd be much, much braver than I am...) Just remember - the majority of links will go to The Pit of Voles. Click at your own peril...

Because I care too much for your brains )

Please note, of course, I'm not saying anything about the quality of the writing here. I have not, and do not intend to read them...

All these are from the first page of the community. Yeah. I do wonder exactly *why*. Especially when at least two of the fic linked above don't even have vampires in them. But then I thought about what [livejournal.com profile] cuvalwen has said - Bella is a cipher for the reader, in the same generic way as every hack romance written*. So these above are completely interchangeable. Change the names and (very occasionally) re-fudge the history and you've got a genuine Harlequin romance candidate.

Which all just leads me to think of a future where Bella/Edward stories of any stripe are the default for romantic fiction.

And then I weep.

* Yes, I have read them all and yes, I'm way behind on the reviews. If I manage to catch my breath in the run-up to Christmas (say the next six weeks or so), I'll finish them off.
m31andy: (Meerkats - TG3)
Harlequin Romance 3 – Baby Bonanza )

A two-fer today. It's been a long weekend (C and I were up in Darlington for a friend's wedding. I came back with cowboy boots and C came back with a guitar. We're obviously attempting to become Shania Twain...) But I'm back at work now, worse luck. I just have to get my writing head on. 11,000 words due in four weeks and I've still not started...
m31andy: (Read)
Harlequin Romance 2 – A Very Special Delivery )

There's two more Steeple Hill books to go, by the way. If I make the hat-trick without faltering, I might give you a bonus and review "Daddy's Home" by Debbie Kessler…
m31andy: (Read)
Yeah, so I may have mentioned, way, way back in February, that, in the good cause of becoming better read,* I was going to download the free Harlequin books that Fictionwise were touting for Valentine's Day and then review them all for you. Yes, all fifteen of them. And then there was silence.

I bet you all thought I'd chickened out, eh?

No. But I did have major technical issues and also a propensity to not have any time to sit down with my laptop and read. Well, on Sunday I did (Well, ish. I decided that ripping my CDs and sorting out the software issue were important. I finished the CDs but gave up on the software!) So, the first book review is under the cut. Come on, I dare you!!!

Harlequin Romance 1 – Slow Hands )

ETA: Oh, I forgot to add - the technical issues are now resolved (as of this morning) so expect more reviews soon!!!

* Or, come to think of it, that may have been a completely different discussion!
m31andy: (Read)
Fictionwise has brought me the news that they're offering a Valentine's Special on 15 individual Harlequin romances. Free. Gratis. Crikey.

Now I don't read Mills and Boon (the UK Harlequin label), but the temptation to get all of these is overwhelming. But what am I setting myself up for?

Harlequin Romance )

And as these are all different 'types' of Harlequin Romance, one of these is a Steeple Hill book. Yes, the Christian Inspirational Romance line, perpetrators of the only Harlequin book I own, Daddy's Home (Don't ask, you don't want to know) Guess which one is the sheep amongst the goats.

Also, one for [livejournal.com profile] mikes_grrl, methinks. Via [livejournal.com profile] oursin.

Literature writers turn to erotica.

Unfortunately, highly predictable. No wonder men complain that they can't work out what women actually want - we're not even honest with ourselves.

May 2011

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