(no subject)

[m31andy]

Okay, this is *all* draycevixen's fault - but I thought I'd venture back over to twilight_adult (I ran screaming from there after reading the summaries of a couple of fic a couple of days ago) because, and I quote, "I didn't think that it could all be that bad".

Ha. Fooled myself.

Under the cut are some of the summaries from a few fic. I've included links to the fic themselves, just in case. Hey, it's your life (and you'd be much, much braver than I am...) Just remember - the majority of links will go to The Pit of Voles. Click at your own peril...

Play Date by how_we_fade

Bella Swan is a 23-year-old single mom with a daughter who is 3 years old. Edward Cullen is a 27-year-old single father with a son who is 4 years old. The two meet one night at a get together with friends and family and hit it off. They end up talking about their kids and end up setting up a play date for them. What starts off as setting up a friend for their kids, turns into something totally different for the two parents. A/U, A/H, Canon.

Canon? Canon?! I do not think you know what the word means.

A Litany at Dusk by duskwatcher

Edward’s rebellious period didn’t last a few years; it lasted seventy. When he finally rejoins his family in Forks, he is dark, dangerous, despairing and desperate to change his ways. Bella has her own demons, and has dealt with them in a unique way. Will Edward be willing to fight for her instead of fighting against her?

This one is up to chapter 21 and is currently running at 83k words. Not so much a litany as a full on Wagner opera cycle (with added musical interludes by Mahler).

House of the Horde by houseofhores

Bella Swan is new to Los Angeles and is currently enrolled in UCLA when she meets a man that will change her entire future. After being abducted, she is taken to a house high in the hills of Hollywood where she learns that humans are not at the top of the food chain.

Ever get the feeling this LJ user was created just to promote the fic? *shudders* The author warns for: The following story contains dark themes, language, violence, rape, mutilation and explicit sexual content. That'd be against canon, yes?

In Pursuit of Normalcy by kariann1222

Two years after reaching full maturity, Nessie Cullen is living on the island of Oahu, where she escaped to avoid the unpleasant truths surrounding her very existence. What will happen when the only man she’s ever loved makes a sudden reappearance in her life? Nessie POV.

. Yes, "Nessie"/Jacob. "Full Maturity" is obviously a cop out on the "Well, she's only eight years old, but she's got an adult's body, so that doesn't matter, does it?" *shudders some more*. This one also won a "Wolfpack Award" for the best lemon. I'm surprised the author is proudly toting that one around. (Yes, I know it means something different. Don't burst my bubble, please...)

Hell by livreid

Bella is filthy rich, she's a bitch and most importantly she despises you. She snorts coke, she parties all the time and she's jaded. She doesn't believe in love until she meets Edward who is just as rich and disillusioned as she is. All-Human.

All-Human? WHY?!

Bon Voyage by cchellezz

Bella is trapped in the small town of Forks, lost in a world where she feels like she doesn’t belong. With a desire to get away from her now remarried family, what will the senior trip to Europe have in store for her? AU/AH B&E

. If Europe has any sense whatsoever, that would be the European version of the vampire. deadly, plague-ridden, revenant, night-dwelling and, occasionally, watermelons.

Please note, of course, I'm not saying anything about the quality of the writing here. I have not, and do not intend to read them...

All these are from the first page of the community. Yeah. I do wonder exactly *why*. Especially when at least two of the fic linked above don't even have vampires in them. But then I thought about what cuvalwen has said - Bella is a cipher for the reader, in the same generic way as every hack romance written*. So these above are completely interchangeable. Change the names and (very occasionally) re-fudge the history and you've got a genuine Harlequin romance candidate.

Which all just leads me to think of a future where Bella/Edward stories of any stripe are the default for romantic fiction.

And then I weep.

* Yes, I have read them all and yes, I'm way behind on the reviews. If I manage to catch my breath in the run-up to Christmas (say the next six weeks or so), I'll finish them off.