300, or how many lives must a film wear down, before we can be called free.

[m31andy]

300

A – do they shag each other in this film or do they gloss over it?

C – They do only wear leather g-strings and oil.

A - … I'm looking forward to this film.

* * *

Leonidas, of the Athenians – those philosophers and boy-lovers can resist...

A&C - *cough*

* * *

*Leonidas climbs a mountain*

C – didn't I see this on Top Gear once?”

A&C – oh my God, it's Emperor Palpatine!

* * *

*The mystics betray for gold*

A - Isn't that Aztec gold?

C – It's cursed, certainly. We're not getting away from those films, are we?

* * *

Queen Gorgo - “It's what a free man should do.”

C – Drink!

A – Oh. God.

* * *

For Sparta, for freedom, to the death!

C – Drink!

* * *

Leonidas - What can you do? Sparta will need sons.

C – I think he said “Fuck off.”

* * *

A – Leonidas – that's as in the chocolate?

C – Yes.

* * *

Queen Gorgo - Come back with your shield or on it.

C – I thought that was normally said by mothers to sons. It's getting rather Oedipal.

A – and we all know a song about that.

* * *

Leonidas – Spartans, what is your profession?

Spartans – Hwroah! Hwroah! Hwroah!

C – US Marines, apparently.

* * *

A – Do you think the sequel will be called “301”?

C – Blog it. No, 300²

* * *

Voiceover - Only one man keeps his Spartan reserve.

C – yes, the rest are whooping it up in the mosh pit.

* * *

*We witness the Persian punishment, which seems to involve a tree*

A – Oh, I know what that reminds me of – the tree in Sleepy Hollow.

* * *

Queen Gorgo – Freedom isn't free.

C – starts singing “Freedom isn't free, it costs folks like you and me.”

* * *

Generic Persian - Our arrows will blot out the sun.

Generic Spartan - Then we will fight in the shade.

C – Thank you! That's actually accurate.

A – Blimey.

* * *

*The Persians are driven over the cliffs*

A – They've fallen in the water!!!

* * *

*Leonidas meets Xerxes*

C – Blimey, you don't look anything like your picture.

* * *

Leonidas – Unless I've missed my guess, we're in for a wild night.

A - *chokes*

C – *sings* “Slash, slash, slash, slash, slash, slash, slash, slash”.

* * *

Narrator – And the man thinks himself a God feels a very human chill up his spine.

A – that'll be the vast amount of metalwork he's wearing.

C – I shouldn't like to be him in a thunderstorm.

* * *

A – It's a rhino!

C – Or a stegasaurus from this angle.

* * *

Leonidas – An age of freedom!

A&C – DRINK!

* * *

Queen Gorgo – Send an army for liberty and justice, for law and order,...

A – she likes Law and Order?

C - *drinking because liberty counts as freedom*

* * *

*Thirty pieces of silver gold fall from Theron's cloak*

A – Oh, now Xerxes looks like his picture.

* * *

*Leonidas gets on his knees, cue a full frontal of leather-be-pounched Xerxes*

A – Ewwww.

C – I really didn't need to see that.

* * *

Narrator: [Leonidas]' roar is long and loud.

C – His dental work, exquisite.

* * *

C – Leonidas does a decent Saint Sebastian impression.

* * *

*arrows fall*

C – Overkill or just enough kill?

A – Just enough kill.

* * *

C – Arrows fell, everybody died.

A - *sings* Among the fields of barley.

C – One-eyed Jack returns the Evenstar, among the fields of barley.

* * *

One-eyed Jack – remember us. He did not want songs or monuments.

C – Nor films, at a guess.

* * *

One-eyed Jack – thirty thousand free Greeks

A – Do you get one with every pack of cornflakes?

C - *chokes on wine*

We are now rather toasted. I'm voting for bed. C is voting for Troy. May the tiredest soul win.

Comments

[tyrell.livejournal.com]

Generic Persian - Our arrows will blot out the sun.
Generic Spartan - Then we will fight in the shade.

C – Thank you! That's actually accurate.
A – Blimey.

Yep! That's now in the dictionary, under "Bad-ass".

[m31andy.livejournal.com]

It is, rather!